My life is messy right now.Well okay, It’s always a little messy without a doubt.It seems my life gets particularly messy when I am moving forward.I have decided to explore this as a lesson in patience and acceptance.Things get messy.Life gets messy.Perhaps messy is a necessary step towards progress.
Just before I sat down to right this, I shut the door to my spare room.My husband was in the back of the house working on electronic music with a friend.The dogs are restless.I call out to my husband, “Have the dogs been out?” He responds, “Beulah has.” Good, or so I thought. Beulah is our relatively “new” dog.She is a curious Boxer adopted from the local shelter and barely a year old.My husband doesn’t like to admit it but she is the apple is his eye and she expects him to give her his undivided attention at all times. Beulah decided to protest this by urinating right outside my door.Needless to say I was “pissed”, no pun intended, but I dutifully cleaned it up and got back to the page.
Life is lived in the present.The treasure is in the moment.All the wisdom and provision we need is available to us right now for right now if we take the time to recognize it.This is an adjustment but I am learning to view it this way.I realize that I have tried to shut down my creativity at various times in favor of efficiency and organization ( this is not to say that I am very efficient or organized).At some point after childhood, I chose to believe a message that my creativity was not as valuable as what could only be called a ” functional human being”.You know what I mean.The kind that pays their bills, does the dishes and laundry, keeps their commitments, takes care of their health, communicates properly, looks good, and works well and cares about others.
So what’s wrong with that?
Actually, nothing really.I don’t want to be an artistic genius if it means I have to be some kind of unstable, abusive, and inconsiderate slob.Nevertheless, as much as I have tried to be the opposite of that I am sure I have exhibited some of those qualities at one time or another.We all have.The question is whether or not we can allow for creative inspiration and expression and still live a stable life. Does it have to be one or the other? I think the answer is obvious but sometimes the answer is not as important as the question.The question can be laying dormant beneath the surface of our life waiting to be asked.
Writing this has caused me to acknowledge my fear of letting things get messy.The truth is messy can be cleaned up.It can be a temporary distraction and or nuisance but it is not forever.In fact, I have cleaned up some mess and handled some crises in my time.Unlike Little Edie in the movie “Grey Gardens”, I haven’t been feeding raccoons in my attic and letting them destroy the walls of my house.I do think Little Edie was pretty cool though.
Come to think of it, I may need to watch that movie again.